Dudes of the Congregation;
Welcome!! And, A Good Day to you.
Before I start the sermon, I’ll take this opportunity to apologize for my tardiness in comin’ through with a worthy sermon this time around.
In explanation; the truth is, I was called to other “duties” a couple of weeks ago….
On a related note: let me apologize also, for the probability that your Xmas gift piles may seem somewhat slighter than you may be expecting.
The other duties I referred to above included (but were not limited to) answering the call from St. Nicki, wherein ’she’ requested I come to the Pole and school the Elves on the true nature of Xmas. ‘Seems they got it into their tiny heads that the whole dang thing was about crafting toys and such to give the kids on Dec. 24-25.
Obviously, that is but a small -although very impotant- part of the Xmas gig.
Oui-Oui!! And: Yea!! Verily, I say unto you that the BIGGEST part of the Xmas gig is in making certain that all whom you love know how much they mean to you, and; in achieving this while totally blasted!! And for the OverAchievers; include accomplishing these things
without being jailed in the process!!
Now; THERE’S an X-mas to be Proud of….
That said:
This issue of ShortSermons is on the subject of: Criticism….
In the Good-Book…. er; The Better-Book: The Revelations of Minister Skyddz: The Genesis: 19: 4, we find Michael (who is also Caine), layin’ down th’ Law for the others there at the RoadHouse:
…NOW; ABLE WAST A LOOKER. THUS; WAST ATTRACTED MANY OF THE ROAD, WHO WOULDST SEE HER FORM; AND; MIKEY SAID UNTO THEM: “POUT, THEE; GAWKERS; AND; WHINNY AMONGST THYSELVES; THEE SHALT ONLY KNOW HER OF THINE EYE; AND; HER IMAGE; BURN-D IN THY MEMORIES; FOR EVER! …
5. …”FOR; SHE RIDETH WITH ME; AND; I TAKETH NO CRAP; FROM; OUGHT OF THEE; THEE; SIDEWALK-COMMANDOS! ‘GIGGLER’ IST ALL; UNTO THEE AND THE WORLD; BUT; AS THIS DAY OF ESTHER IST UNTO THEE; SO; SHE IST AND SHALT REMAIN UNTO ME; MINE OWN FESTIVAL…. *DU BIST ETWAS MERKEN! LAY-TH THEE; DOWN UPON THE RUG; THINE OWN NADS TO LICK!”…
(*DU BIST ETWAS MERKEN! = You are about to discover!)
Now, The ArchAngel had no reason to call them “Sidewalk-Commandos“, nor even “Gawkers“. Indeed, he might’ve spoken more eloquently on the entire subject.
That’s just plain rude.
And later, in Of Philogynians: 4: 2 – 4: 5, we find God being EXTREMELY RUDE to me:
…BUT; GOD STOP-D HIM; SAYING: ” HERE’S WHAT I THINKETH; THOU HATH MOST GRACIOUS ABILITY; WITH THY PEN; AND THY STAFF; AND; IT IS A SLOGAN; AND; A MANTRA, WHICH I ASK OF THEE; SURELY; THOU ART A POET AMONGST ANGELS…”—BUT; CAME THEN A SHIMMERING UPON THE CLOUDEDNESS WHICH WAST THE OTHER ANGELS; AND; POPD THEN FORTH; IN AN ACRID SMOKING;…
3. …ANOTHER FORM; THIS ONE BEING NOT SO UNLIKENED TO THE FIRST TWO; YET; WAST HE CERTAINLY; NOT THE SAME; IN HIS COUNTENANCE …THE FEET OF HIM; WAST AS THE CLOVEN HOOVES; OF MANY OF THE BEASTS UNDER THE CARE OF ADAM AND BEAVER; AND; FROM HIS HEAD; POKED-UP TWO CURVED SPIRES; HORNS; LIKENED UNTO THE HORNS OF THE ADDAX; AND; A THINHAIRED GOATEE; AND; EXUBERANT CAPE;
4. …OF; RED; AND; OF BLACK; WHICH FLAPPED OF ITS OWN ACCORD; AND; AS HE TURN-D HIS HEAD; SHONE A BRILLIANT ROUND HAIRLESSNESS; AND; HE SPAKE; SAYING: “NAME, PLEASE?!” AND; LOOK-D HE EXPECTANTLY; TOWARD GOD-WHO-WAS-THE-ANGELS; AND; MIKEY SPAKE NEXT; SAYING: “DUDE; NICE HAT! CANST THOU PLAY?”…
5. …BUT; THIS NEW ONE WAST UNAWARE; AND HE WAITED UPON GOD’S OWN ANSWER …AND; GOD SAID: “THY SULPHUR, NOTWITHSTANDING; THOU ART THIRD OF THE ARCHANGELS OF GOD; AND; THOUGH; THY CAPE AND THY HORNS ART GREATLY OUTDATED; AND; TEMPT; EVEN; MINE OWN FINGER TO POINT; AND; CHUCKLE PROFOUNDLY; THOU ART; ‘SATAN‘; BUT; DON’T EMBARRASS US, DUDE!”…
“Greatly outdated”!! The finest cape and horns available at the time, I assure you!! “Don’t embarrass us dude!”…
Indeed!!
Anyway, the point is; ya don’t hafta be an asshole about it…. Whatever it is. Can’t we all just get along??
Well then.
That’s my piece for today. Comment if ya wanna; I’ll be right here.
Peace.
Good Luck and Roses….
Minister Skyddz
Tags: blue meanies, criticism, meanness, rudeness, santa clause, sermon, st. nicki, xmas
I love everybody when I’m blasted, man (and that REALLY sucks when ya have ta go to jail that way…).
And those “christmas piles” that you mentioned?
That was supposed to be confidential dude…Whats up with that?
As for the criticism thing…at least there was nothing said about Bell-bottoms and paisleys, eh?
“Keep On Truckin’, Brother!”
lmao
Good Luck and Roses, man…er, uh, “satan”.
Ahhh…. Brother Fate!!
Nice of you to visit. And, quite stunning that you should, without having any prior knowledge of it, mention the subject of our next ‘Sermon’:
On Bell Bottoms and Paisleys….
(that being; as they pertain to pitchin’ horseshoes, and/or huffin’ roses and emyl nitrate in our public parks).
Obviously, in such a sermon, I should hafta expose the fact that true Paisley is merely Fractal which has entered the Witness Protection Program…. But I’m sure all will still be good afterward; it’s been so damn long since God’s fingerprints were taken, the Infidel (Zinfandel??) prob’ly won’t remember anything about the “Situation“, as it were.
I s’pose I’ve left the rest of our Congregation somewhat clueless with much of this, but if they read the Truer Gospel: “The Revelations of Minister Skyddz” whether in piety or or not, they would be prepared for “2nd Revelations” (almost ready for publication) in which the truth of this matter is discovered.
More Later,
Good Luck and Roses….
~Minister Skyddz~